Pain in the Gym

Today I finally, finally managed to go to the gym for an induction (hoorah)! I had anticipated some form of severe humiliation happening which was going to be the feature of this blog today... However it went surprisingly well except for two little things. 
Number One
The induction man took my blood pressure with one of those arm cuff things, oh we all know how this blog works now so here's a photo! 

Except his didn't have a little pump thing he just pressed a button and it did it automatically. Now I remember having had this done before that it gets really really tight... HOLY HELLFIRE I thought my arm was going to explode and not only did he do it once, he did it three times! It actually got to the point on the first one where I almost said this is seriously about to crush my arm off. I'm fully surprised that my blood pressure wasn't through the roof, mainly due to the fear the tight cuff of death struck into my heart. 

Much like the fear you would feel if this were you.  

Number Two

So I don't know about you but my relationship with headphones (or should I say earphones, which ever the small ones are that you put in your ear) has never been a particularly good one and this is for a few reasons. Firstly I always find them tangled in a horrific ball whenever I pull them out of a drawer, bag or even pocket so that ten minute walk where I was supposed to be listening to music to either cheer me up or chill me out is spent in frustration tackling this...

Feeling like this...

I know... the likeness is uncanny. 

Secondly I always manage to get the chord wrapped around something and then the earphones get unceremoniously ripped from my ears. This friends, is what happened to me at the gym today. Twice. Both times I was trying to adjust the bike seat and as I lent down the chord saw its opportunity and wrapped its self around the seat and as I stood... boom out of my ears they did spring. The first time I tried to be a good sport and chuckle, the second time I said "oh for F" Ahem remembered I was in a gym and stopped myself. 

I was feeling rage. 

And lastly, this one is really more of an argument with mp3 players in general but earphones transmit the sound so i'm just going to go with it. The moment when one song ends and you are eagerly awaiting the next thinking "Will shuffle finally read my mind and put *insert song* on next!?" and not only is it the song you least want to listen to but its one hundred million times louder than the song you just had on which usually makes me believe the earth has begun to explode and for a split second I almost just hit the floor.  

yep.

If you don't hit the floor, most likely you try to quickly extract your mp3 from wherever it is, thus catching the cord on something (probably your hand) and ripping it from your ears. See? Nobody wins. Ever.

On a lighter note just a quick thanks to everyone who takes time out of there day to read this! If you have clicked here from Facebook and like it feel free to either leave me a comment or a "like" on there or even below this post! Also should you be feeling generous you could click the share button on Facebook so that all your mates can read this... whatever this maybe! 

Love you all 

Peace 

x

Sight for Sore Eyes

Familiar sight? Then congratulations you have been to the opticians and if you were lucky you have perfect vision. Unlike me. When I go into the opticians for a sight test and see (what I just found out is called a Snellen Test) on the wall, I pretty much instantly start trying to memorise it because well lets face it when they make me take my lenses out in about a minute and a half this is what i'm going to have to contend with...

Except not even that does it justice really, because in truth the only way I'd know the E at the top is if I had memorised it a minute earlier. Although it shouldn't be, admitting you can't see anything on the board is just plain depressing! So then if you are lucky they sit you behind a big contraption that flicks through different prescriptions while you try your hardest to squint without the opticians noticing. 

Its an O, No actually I think it's a C. Yeah a C. No! It's a D. 100% (the only reason you know this is that handy dandy tip of memorising the letters earlier on). So on and on the test goes, you quickly realise you are losing to the optician as the lines get smaller and smaller and more blurry. Then comes the dreaded Red or Green test. 

"Which is clearer the read one or green?"

Errrm Green

Ok how about now (they change something in the machine) 

Red

Now?

Green

Now? 

Green

Now? 

Both the same

But if you had to pick one as being clearer

But they both look the same...

But just if you had to pick?

Errr Green?

This back and fourth exchange usually ends up with me in a guessing game trying desperately just to make it end! 

I know you are probably thinking, it's really not that bad. Ok maybe for most its not but for me its only been fairly traumatising up to this point. But then...

Ever stood this close to a stranger whilst they peer into your eyes? Well then you have never lived, this has to be the most awkward moment of the whole thing when your lovely opticians face is so close to yours you could give them an Eskimo kiss if you moved too quickly. Delightful. Possibly one of the hardest things not to laugh at, much like when you were at school during an assembly and you got a fit of the giggles during the most solemn silent part... Once I got that close to laughing right in the opticians face I had to break the tension by asking, "Do many people laugh right in your face when you do this?" Answer "All the time!" I must say I felt like I had the best self control at that moment. I am the biggest giggler ever! 

Anyway as much as I have moaned and groaned about having to get a sight test, I thank everyone that helps to give me the gift of sight... Yaay 

Hold on a sec. I bet right now you are thinking, in the second paragraph she said if you are lucky they sit you behind a big contraption... (if you weren't thinking that then now you are) But what I hear you cry... What is the alternative?

There are no words.

Peace x 

A Funny Thing!

This will really only make sense if you love Mean girls and The Hunger Games and because I love both I really felt the need to share it with you. 
Someone has come up with a tumblr called Mean Girls of Panem and man it is bloody hilarious. You need to check it out... Click click click! 

http://meangirlsofpanem.tumblr.com

Its Sunday so that's my only excuse for not doing a proper blog. 

Just a quick thanks to everyone who takes the time to read this it means a lot :D 

Proper love ya don't I!

 

xxxxxx

Saturday Shenanigans

Guys I haven't got a particularly funny story or anecdote for you today. However despair not for what I do have for you is a photo of my dog Poppy looking royally pissed off because I have put my scarf on her and she can't get it off. Bahaa

 Or maybe she just loves it and was channeling her inner model. Who the hell knows? 

Also a few weeks ago I was shopping and decided that some fresh bread might be a bit delightful and I came across this beauty. 

A loaf of bread that was smaller than my own hand! I'm sure all you bread experts reading this are saying, "good lord is she an idiot? Irish wheaten bread is always made minuscule" well what can I say? Pass me a thimble of soup to dip it in?! 

I love Google Images! "Tiny Bread"

I bloody love google images "Tiny Bread"
Personally i'm more of a tiger bread kinda gal, baguette or bloomer i'm not too fussy.


Ohhh my god! 

Tiny Cheese!

Tiny Cheese!!!!
I feel I have gone a bit off topic, Oh wait there was never a topic. Yay for me. Needless to say I didn't buy the tiny bread, tiny food is something I just don't believe in. The aisle in Superdrug, you know the one with the mini toiletries well that's a different matter.  

Peace

x

I wish I didn't look at photos of bread and cheese because now i'm hungry.

Demon Doll

So since I started telling all you guys about the weird and stupid stuff that happens to me/ that I do, I have noticed that these things are happening on a much more frequent basis...


This morning I woke up and as I went to make my bed I shook the duvet to straighten it out and spotted something in my bed. Horror of horrors I thought... Is it is spider?! If you read this often you will know that in a previous post I told you all just how horrific spiders are. In the nature of this blog you are probably expecting a photo of a spider. However I  simply cannot google a spider without breaking into a cold sweat. (one time Ellie and I were watching a funny clip on youtube of a man catching a spider and when he failed and almost touched it we both screamed. I swear to god. nearly jumping backwards off our chairs). 

Alas after my round about jabber it wasn't a spider. It was... a tiny doll.

Excuse the electric pink sheets, i'm fancy. 

This doll was sent to me by a dear friend who was in Bolivia for a year. It even has a little magnet on the back so you can stick it to stuff... Aw cute eh? Yeah until it creeps into your bed in the middle of the night! Upon closer inspection of its location I can only assume that it was nestled between my toes all night. 

Me No Likey,

Next Question... 

WHY DOES IT LOOK LIKE SHE'S CRAWLING

Also, Why do things like this happen to the biggest chicken alive? I still for a fleeting moment think about the girl from The Ring most nights before I go to sleep. Now my little doll is going to have to be put in my Spongebob Squarepants tin in my drawer and even then I will continue to worry about her coming out to get me in the night.  

Ok so I went on paint and added the scary eyes and teeth... and the sign that says "Hello my name is scary demon doll" 

I swear this is 100% true and happened to me this morning. So uh if you have any little dolls in your room i'm gonna go ahead and say sleep well kids, Sleep well. (because I know i won't)

*Insert scream here*

Tiny revelation, blogging is super easy after four wines. Also sorry for the probable spelling and grammar mistakes. That's not drunken-ness just stupidity. 

Peace x 

Ham and Cheese Overload

Today one of my delightful friends and I decided that for lunch we would make some epic sandwiches. Yum. We went on a little trip to the shop to buy ingredients and decided on some cherry tomatoes, prosciutto ham, mozzarella and a baguette... I know right! 

What I didn't anticipate was said friends passion for good sandwiches and also her drive not to want to waste anything. 

As we were constructing our delicious sandwiches I was told...

"That's your cheese"

"The rest of that cheese is yours"

"I've got so much cheese, so you have to eat that cheese"

Now i'm not gonna lie I could probably have eaten the entire cheese had it not had half a ton of fancy ham and bread wrapped around it. 

Needless to say I couldn't eat all the cheese and i'm still feeling a bit comatose from the sandwich, but damn was it good. 

She also insisted on using half a pack of the ham each, It was wafer thin but I do feel three slices may have been overkill... Just slightly. 

Ok I only put the ham bit in so I could use this funny photo...

"Ham Face Girl"

As we got in the car we looked at each other and made the "I'm so friggin full" face.
So if you will all excuse me i'm gonna go and try not to think about ham and cheese anymore. Until tomorrow at least. Nom 

Peace!

Hit me up on Twittah @NatalieFurlong

Hiya! ... No wait.

I just phoned the gym to book my induction and the receptionist said to me 

"One moment I'll just put you through to the gym"

Where I was supposed to say "Thanks" I said...

"Hiya" 

... HIYA?!

I know she heard me, she probably went to put me through and thought... Did she just say... hiya?

Its not the first time I've done that either. When I used to work for a well known supermarket working on the checkouts I would often turn to a brand new customer and instead of saying...

"Hello, would you like a hand with your packing"

I would say...

Any Cashback? 

I quite literally do stupid things on a daily basis. It's just before I started blogging about it no one else knew. 

Peace out x